Im tell this story everybody thinks is funnier than hell. My hand is gettin better too.

I worked in a camp that had a building to the back that we kept all the fertilizer and small spreadin equipment in. didnt nobody hardly ever go out there because we only fertilized the blueberries in the spring. I would sometimes go out there and smoke some grass because it was a killer place to hide. One day I went down there with a couple of reefers in my billfold to toke like i always did. When I got in there and shut the door a timber that somebody had leaned to the building fell in front of the outside of the door trappin my ass in there. Wasn't no windows just that door and that somabitch wouldn't budge. I was nervous as hell about gettin busted smokin doobies and had to pop a squat like a goose. I looked around and decided that I would wag one off in the corner and put a bag of fertilizer over it. So i did. After I had shitted I peeled open the velcro on my wallet and fired up a joint, fuckina.
It seemed like forever I was in that buildin. Good thing the weather was nice outside or ida been hatin it bigtime. Hopefully someone would come and rescue me before long, I was gettin real hungry and thirsty.
To make a long story short, It felt like it had been about three days. I fell asleep, woke up, smoked some more reefer and fell asleep again. That last time I woke up I had knew that I was in there for about three days and was kickin into survival mode. I knew that if i didnt get some kind of nourishment that I was going to keel over and die right there on the floor. The only thing in there to eat other than fertilizer was that turd I had took. I peeled up the bag by the corner and saw it under there. It didnt look too bad, kinda like a mounds candybar so I said fuckit and ate the mother fucker. It kinda tasted like Korean food.
When the boys found me they told me I had only been in there about four hours and I didnt have to eat that turd to stay alive but I am kinda glad I did so I can have a funny story to tell.

Keepin it real,

Paul

Update

Yall I have been busy and dont know when I will be able to talk to you again. My mexican neighbors took the internet wire out of the tree that I had strung across the street from there house so I dont know how much I might be able to tell my stories.

Oh but get this,

There is this schoolteacher woman that lives up the road that has come by and we are fuckin, fuckina..

Keepin it real,

Paul

Im gonna tell yall something that aint really funny to me and Shelly but here goes.

My Dog, the chow I call Susie was on the leash out back like always.

Old dog likes to run around and bite at mosquitoes like somethin else fuckina.

She aint but six but acts ten, this one boy likes to cut it up the road on his big wheel and pull the break tryin to be all cool.

Susie got off that chain and bit that somabitch inthe arm not to bad but nipped his ass.

That boy dont slide on his big wheel on my dirt road no more.

Keepin it real,

Paul

Stupid fuckers

Sherry is madder than hell that yall called her fat and I aint gonna get no cooter because of yall Somabitches. Fuckina.

How bout them Dawgs?

This is my old lady Sherry

Shes kinda plump and gets all hammered and shit, kicks my

chow but she is warmer than hell when it comes to snugglin.

I got a bunch of pictures of her at the park doin stuff like climbin trees, jumpin over stumps and shit like that.

There is another one of her drinkin out the water fountain that im bout to post hold on.

Old girl likes to poot in her hand and hot pocket her cousin at the skatin rink she says. Whatever that means.








Sherry shore is nice, she is a little bigger than she was when we first met but aint nothin wrong with that.

My woman knows how to cook fuckina...

Keepin it real,

Paul

Im bout to tell yall my mexican neighbors

trailer caught on fire and the internet wire I had run from over there through the woods got melted and that is why I have not been on the web.

I got a killer story to tell bout this black woman said she was gonna whoop my ass I am hammered fuckin a.

Ill tell it too mara.

Keepin it real,

Paul

Oh and get this my old lady Sherry let me take a couple of pictures of her.

Im gonna post those in a little while too.

Keepin it real,

Paul

Wednesday

I aint gonna tell no more shittin stories for a couple of days because some of yall dont believe im for real. fuckina.

This boy I knew had a pig on his property in the back and it was fatter n hell. He was ready to kill and cook the somabitch and called me and skeeter over to his house to do the deed. We had a couple of cases of beer and some toot. It was in the late 70s before cocaine was addictive and before the blacks started doin it. We drank a bunch of beer and did all that powder and walked down their to shoot that pig. When we got there that fat whore was all sprawled out lickin the dirt. Skeeter aimed at the fucker with his 38 and when he fired at her she reared her head back and the bullet went in her snout and out her dadgum eyeball.

She went to hollerin and sprayin us down with blood like something else.

Billy, the boy that owned the pig shot her in the ear with his 30 / 30 and laid her ass out for good.

After we gutted her we boiled her in a 55 gallon drum to soften up the skin and then smoked her and peeled off the cracklin to mix with the grits in the mornin and the cornbread at suppertime.

Good thing I couldn't sleep because I didn't have another shirt and my socks were filthyrnhell. fuckina.

Keepin it real,

Paul